Love from Down Under

Could I possibly be falling in love again?

Oh, amazing boy from Down Under, were’nt you supposed to be a summer romance?

Don’t come creeping into my heart with all your honest, ernest loving. Sometimes distance is the root of all heartbreak. 

distance…

distance oh distance, why are you always doing a peek-a-boo whenever someone amazing comes into the picture?

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{dream/nightmare}

So I dreamt of you last night. I didn’t know to term it a great dream or a nightmare.

The apprehension in the dream felt so real. Yet you reached out and drew me closer. It was the weirdest thing. Everything in it was not humanly possible. How could we we be flying on swings through the air, with you pulling me in closer because I was afraid. You held on to my waist, tight. Afraid to let me fall. 

We were in a car and you let me look through your little pouch/notebook. In it were photes, little notes and reminders of the countries you’ve traversed. You let me look through everything, even the most private details and told me stories of your adventures, the people you’ve met and how it changed you. In that moment, it felt like I was a part of it. A part of you.

The rest of it was hazy, but all I knew was, it felt so real that I didn’t want to wake up from it.

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Oblivion.

Oblivion – that’s where you are.

I feel you so far, so distant.
Sometimes, I look at pictures of you
& wonder, do I know this stranger?

It’s as if you were never part of my life
like you didn’t even grace it.
sometimes, it seems to me
all you were was a fragment of my imagination.

Have I met you, I mused.
With time and tide,
all that you are now,
is but a hazy past.

Oblivion – that’s where you are.

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{ Wedding Inspiration: Andy and Sonia }

This could have been us.

Love, in five paragraphs (Thought Catalog)

This sums up exactly how I feel for you. Even after all these years, I will be lying if I said I didn’t feel the same heart-warming, happiness-bursting-out-of-my-heart feeling that I felt then, and is still feeling now. There might have been replacements that I’ve sought after, but none could replicate those immaculate feelings that was perfect.

xoxo

 

I believe you are my person. I love you, even though you don’t love me. I love you, even though there’s nothing in it for me anymore. There’s just loving you, but that’s enough for me. I find you to be one of the most exquisite humans I’ve ever met, and knowing you is all it takes to love you. I don’t need anything in return. Getting to be acquainted with your intelligence, depth, understanding, endurance, humor, wisdom, (I could go on), is what love is, and it’s why I choose to love you so intently.

Thank you for loving me when I didn’t love myself. I pushed away because I believed that I wasn’t worthy of love. I came back because I thought you were the only person who cared.

But you weren’t, and you’re not. You were, however, the person with whom I fell most intensely in love. You reached inside of me and made me feel. And with that, your love made every bit of my unhealed heart and soul surface. And it was all left between us. I believe I’ve healed a lot of it, but there’s always a ways to go. The point is: I credit you for being the catalyst of my transformation. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I believe that love is the essence of everyone. But in the context of being between two people, it is also a verb. And an action is a choice. Physical feelings are just that—physical. But attraction of the mind, heart, spirit—that’s miraculous. And when you choose to love another unconditionally, without judgment, and regardless of what’s in it for yourself, that’s the fairy tale.

I think you need to learn to love yourself as much as I do. And I hope you do that. I will always be close, regardless of distance. I’m always a phone call or a memory away, loving you, and hoping you find peace, love, happiness and whatever else will fill you up and make your life most worth living. Thank you for gracing my life. Please accept this as a token of my love and gratitude, and know that what we shared was beyond what language can construct. So far, this is the best I can do. TC mark

 

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55 day challenge

Just came across a 55 day challenge on a friend’s blog and I would love to attempt it. Maybe through that, I might get to know myself and my thoughts more clearly. And to let myself know if you have unknowingly taken up permanent residency in my head.

http://heckyeahtumblrchallenges.tumblr.com/post/20978604055/55-day-challenge

The right thing might not be the easiest.

Been reflecting on my life and the events of it these past weeks and I’ve come to realize how blessed I truly am.

In this difficult period of uncertainty and self doubt, I’ve got countless friends and family who I can lean on. They pick me up and rejuvenate me when I feel so desolate. For a while, I’ve been thinking that this could perhaps be the worst decision of my life. But boy am I wrong! This could possibly be the best decision I’ve made!

I’ve yet to see fruits from this decision, but I’ve seen the love and support that everyone’s been giving. Their time, their ears(to listen to my insecure rants), their money and the encouragement they everyone have been doling out. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by so much positivity!

This spurs me on to make sure I succeed in this. Not for myself, but for all the people surrounding me who have been so encouraging even before I hatched this idea of mine. When there’s a will, there will definitely be a way! ;)

Here’s to success!

Magnetic.

It was just a few days ago when I was chatting w my bestie, telling her about how it feels so weird to “feel” that you might be going through a trying time, or sometimes, when I just get this feeling that perhaps you need some encouragement. And often enough, when I get these random promptings, I see or read about you somewhere that indicates these sentiments.

It’s hard to believe that there isn’t any connection between us. I refuse to believe it.

I was just thinking about you the past few days. Thinking if I should call you to get your advice on my treacherous road ahead. I really would like to get some advice and support from someone who has “been there, done that.” You are the single person who hasn’t been struck down by failure and you keep picking yourself up, going on and on without faltering, and I am in awe of it.

Today, abnormally, I decide the pick up the papers to read and there you are. I don’t know what to think. Is this just coincidence or is this the universal rule taking place. Either way, it’s nice to know what you are up to. I do hope you enjoy it and stick to it for a while.

Many times, I think perhaps it was because I knew you. You gave me the
courage to try out new things, to dare to further myself.

Now I think all I need is a little courage to start this new journey.

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Be positive and never, ever give up!

So braving through all the difficulties that the world throws at you, together with the limited resources that you have really isn’t as easy as the world makes it out to be. Instead, it’s the single, scariest thing that I would ever do. I feel that my security blanket is gone, and it is just me against the world. 

The decisions, the bills, the responsibilities, the discipline and the accelerated learning curve – these are all adding up to an amounting pressure that I need to be able to withstand.

I truly respect you so much more for braving through what you believed in for over a decade and to always be optimistic about where it will lead you. Through your fears, you have found so much strength and knowledge, and I should too.

Perhaps you were placed in my life for a season to teach me perseverance, determination and were the exemplary example of sheer willpower. Maybe I had to learn all these from you to grow and develop myself and to help me walk through the rest of my journey.

Life moves forward, but educates in retrospect.